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Senators Announce a Tweet Moratorium - And All Hell Breaks Loose


[Note: This post has been changed to reflect recent real developments in Washington, DC. Even the fake news can't keep up with the real news.]

In a city that is used to strange and unforeseen events, the 24-hour news cycle that just ended may have been a first in Washington, DC, history. It began with a surprise announcement by Democratic congressional leaders and ended with a pajama-clad President of the United States driving a monster truck in the White House driveway in front of a group of weary reporters.

The story began with a news conference at which Senate Democratic Minority Leader Chuck Schumer made the first of the day's many announcements, declaring a moratorium on responding to President Trump. "We stand here representing the diverse range of our party," he stated, flanked by Senators Dick Durbin and Tim Kaine, as well as House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. "From now on, we will no longer engage with the President in any manner." The group vowed to ignore every Presidential statement and tweet. "Call it a trump-atorium, if you will," said Senator Schumer.

"This is a new day," added Pelosi. "Trump can tweet all he wants, but we won't answer."

Immediately after the morning news conference ended, questions abounded. Would the Democrats stick to their vow, regardless of what the President stated or tweeted? Would the American public care?

As if to test the first question quickly, President Trump broadcast his first tweet at 9:58 am. "Dems think they can ignore me, just like theyve been ignoring the American people all these years. Sad." As this did not get a response, the President continued 17 minutes later: "When's the last time any of them won a national election. Sea of red states on Nov.8. Schumer better watch his back."

For the next couple of hours, the back and forth continued in this vein, except that there was no "back", only a continuing "forth" coming from the White House:

10:27 - "Pelosi--sick woman. Every time I see her, she has more of that makeup on. Oozing blood all over. Wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole."

10:31 - "I'm president, and you're not. Happy to meet any of you anytime anywhere. See who the real man is."

10:32 - "Losing Dems think they can rattle me. Joke is on them. Who's sitting in the White House on this side of Pa Avenue?"

10:50 - "Losing Dems will try to take credit for everything we accomplished-20 million new jobs created, crime down 50%, peace agreement in Isreal."

10:51 - "3000 new businesses launched, deficit way down, and immigration reduced by more than 100%. America is moving again."

Then, at 11:00, three Republican senators took to the podium in a corridor of the U.S. Capitol. Flanked by fellow Senators Marco Rubio and Ron Johnson, Senator Tom Cotton stated, "We stand here representing the broad spectrum of our party. We will no longer respond to any of President Trump's tweets." Referring to earlier tweets targeting Attorney General Sessions, the Senators vowed that no Republicans would reply to the President, "unless and until he ceases and desists from his gratuitous insults to our former colleague Jeff Sessions, carries out meaningful immigration reform, and actually fulfills his promise to keep degenerate gays and transvestites out of our military."

When reminded that the Democrats had come out earlier with their own ignore Trump policy, Senator Rubio stated, "It was our idea. They just came up with it first."

President Trump did not hesitate to test the Senators' resolve with further tweets:

11:11 - "Republicans can talk all they want. Who won the election by over 3 million votes? They rode my coattails."

11:15 - "Whos more pathetic? Scared Dems or weak Republicans? I will still be here after all of them have been deposed."

11:21 - "Look at history. Who has always won? Strong presidents. Congress was only created to give people something to do during farming season."

Surprisingly, there was one more announcement to follow from the Senate. At 11:35, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas came to the podium by himself, declaring a Trump moratorium. Cruz stated he had no list of conditions and added, "This whole ignore Trump policy was my idea from the start. We needed to do it back in January, but no one would go along with me.”

This led Trump to continue his Twitter barrage:

11:48 - "Who does Macron call when he wants to speak to the American pres? Not Cotton. Not Cruz. Me, who else? Best bros."

12:02 - "Hello? Anyone there? Aren't you all supposed to be doing your jobs?"

12:12 - "They are rattled. Think they can ignore me. Crybabies. Why do you think they all voted against health care?"

12:16 - "All the great presidents, Lincoln Jackson, Washington, Truman, Trump, none of us were Senators. Who needs them."

Despite the bravado exhibited in his tweets, Trump did appear concerned, and at 12:30, he tweeted, referring to new White House Communications Director Alex Jones:

"Jones fired. Can't control the Senate. Need a real communication director. Best people need apply."

This lead to a hastily convened press conference at 1:30, led by Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who, when asked about Jones' sudden firing, stated, "As I've said many times before, the President is his own man. He speaks his mind and doesn't change it. As a country, he knows we can't afford to go off the wrong track."

Jones, the sixth White House Communications Director in five weeks, had no immediate comment. However, at a second press conference, held at 3:45, Sanders announced the hiring of a new Communications Director. Stating that "President Trump is fed up with insiders from Washington and New York," she stated that the President had hired "one of the common people", Kyle Bedwetter, a long-haul truck driver from Kentucky, for this position. Bedwetter, she stated, “has no experience in Washington, which will be refreshing.”

Bedwetter was not available to answer questions about his new communications position.

Later in the afternoon, the President tweeted to explain further:

4:45 – “Hiring a man of the people. Making America great again. Loser Dems and coward Republicans won’t know what hit them.”

4:46 – “Remember who won the election by over 4 million votes. Crooked Hillary will finally get what she deserves. WATCH!!”

4:47 – “Who is Kyle Bedwetter! A real American, unlike the rich elites. What could be more American than driving a truck?”

4:48 – “His father is a long time coal miner, so we’re going to move so much coal through those trucks. It will be beautiful.”

When CNN reported later that Mr. Bedwetter’s father, Bradford Bedwetter, is in fact a bank teller and not a miner, Trump then issued this tweet:

6:03 – “Fake media again. Running down a true American hero. They better watch their backs. New head of my FTC WILL be coming after them.”

For the next few hours, all three congressional factions (Democrats, Republicans, and Ted Cruz) continued to ignore all Trump tweets successfully. Meanwhile, the press monitored the non-appearance of Kyle Bedwetter. Journalists from several media outlets waited outside the White House, but he did not emerge.

Then at 11:00 came another tweet from President Trump:

11:00 – “Jonesy is on the job. He’s a real communications director who has my back. Kyle Bedwetter stays on. You can never have enough good people.”

A half hour later, Jones, reinstated as Communications Director, appeared before the White House press corps, accompanied by Kyle Bedwetter, who was sporting a “MAKE AMERICA GREAT CAP”. Jones read a brief statement:

“It is my honor and duty to serve this president who has taken the reins of power like none before. I am going to be gentle with my words because I know you ‘girls’ can’t handle blunt language, but we’re going to make this White House run like clockwork.”

When asked what Bedwetter’s role would be in the White House, Scaramucci said, “You’ll see sooner rather than later.” He winked to the press corps before going back inside.

Several Trump tweets appeared before and after midnight:

11:48 – “Schumer? Cotton? Little Marco Rubio? Is anyone out there? I know you’re ignoring me. You wish you were Prez. Sad.”

12:13 – “Invoking exec. privilege. I’ll be taking out the Senate tomorrow. Article 1 or 2, something like that. Take America back from the hacks.”

12:49 – “When congress ignores the prez that’s a bad thing for democracy. What next? Will they take their balls and go home? Babies.”

Finally, at 2:30am, the White House sent an urgent message and asked that journalists report to the White House grounds, at the driveway near the Southwest Gate. When the press corps was assembled, President Trump himself appeared before a set of klieg lights. Curiously, he was wearing a tight set of blue rubber ducky pajamas, and a name tag that read “DONALD”. Trump announced that “You’re going to see who’s in charge now. No more games.” Then, he flashed a victory sign, just as an 18-wheeler truck drove up the roadway.

Kyle Bedwetter, still wearing his MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN cap pulled the truck to a stop put on the brakes, then stepped down and escorted the President into the cab. Still in his pajamas, Mr. Trump sat down in the driver’s seat and waved to the cameras. He tooted the horn one, twice, and several more times, while smiling and shouting, “Pictures! Pictures!”

The journalists assembled, never having witnessed an event quite like this one, stood silently, and took photos. None recalled timing the scene, making it hard to tell how long it took. But by 3:30, the President had emerged from the truck and re-entered the White House.

As dawn broke, there were no tweets for the moment from the President. And for the time being, Congress had still maintained its “trump-atorium.” Journalists tried to get some sleep, waiting to see what the next day would bring.


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